El problema no soy yo, sino los lugares que frecuento

Solía ir a uno de esos sushi bars donde te tienes que sentarte a unos centímetros de completos extraños, y estar atento de no darles un codazo, y compartir la soya, y oír sus conversaciones mensas con las cuales hasta me daba un poco de gusto el ser un poco antisocial.

Por eso me alegra haberme topado con esta joyita de la internet la cual es una colección de conversaciones breves escuchadas en lugares como Nueva York, la playa, y la oficina.

Hay algunas tan chistosas o intrigantes que me dan ganas de robármelas, y hacer un guión, y así tener mi propio sitcom, y tal vez de esta manera conocer a más gente que me quiten algo de lo antisocial que soy…

Aquí unos ejemplos:

Walker #1: So I think I am going to train for the LA marathon.
Walker #2: Really? What's the cause?
Walker #1: Well, it's for AIDS. Not that I have AIDS, nor know anyone who does.
Walker #2: Yeah, well, we all know AIDS is bad.

--Olympic & La Cienega Park, Los Angeles, California

Little boy #1: It's my turn to use the boogie board! Mom said you have to share!
Little boy #2: Oh yeah? Well, too bad, 'cause I'm not gonna share!
Little boy #1: Oh yeah? Well, I just peed in your wetsuit!

--Long Beach, New York

Perv #1: Dude, check out that girl!
Perv #2: Which one?
Perv #1: Over there, in the yellow suit!
Perv #2: What? She can't be more than twelve!
Perv #1: Dude, I would totally do her!
Perv #2: You need help, man. She doesn't even have tits.
Perv #1: I'm not a titty man.
Perv #2: Yeah, well, your boyfriend in prison will be glad to hear that.

--Island Beach State Park, New Jersey

Guy #1: Eh, to be honest, with as much as I've been laid, I've probably got a kid somewhere.
Guy #2: You need to practice safe sex. Put it in her pooper.

--Pismo Beach, California

Woman: Instead of saying hello, we should say heaveno. Hello gives Satan powers.

--Toronto, Ontario

Girl #1: Why the hell isn't he going? We have to get someplace too!
Girl #2: It's probably a parent.
Girl #1: Yeah, those parents are always looking out for kids' safety. I am so not going to be one of those parents. And I will never have one of those Please Drive Slowly bullshit signs in my yard.
Girl #2: Yeah, if you don't want me to hit your kid, keep him out of the goddamned street.

--Booth Lake, Wisconsin

Little boy, standing in water: I CHALLENGE YOU, POSEIDON!

--Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Guy #1: Sounds like she really misses you.
Guy #2: Yeah, she does, but what am I supposed to do? If you're not happy, you're not happy. What? Am I supposed to suffer just to make her happy? I'm not Jesus.

--Grand Central

Woman #1: No, they can't do a sequel, it'd get boring. Snakes... in the Sauna!
Woman #2: Yeah, it has to be another animal... and a building.

-- Bathroom, Regal Cinemas, Union Square

Hipster girl #1: I better watch out -- after the weight I lost, my mom is thinking I'm anorexic or something. I should start eating more.
Hipster girl #2: Yeah, or lay off the coke.
Hipster girl #1: Or that.

--Times Square